Lucinda Reviews Funny Quotes About Cats

Greetings, two-legged readers — it’s Lucinda, the literate cat, here at the request of my CCL (Cantankerous Cat Lady.) She is swamped with work and asked if I could help her out by writing a post for today.

This time will be a bit different. First, I will write down a quote that someone has said about cats, and then I will express my opinion of it. Here goes:

“The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.” (Paula Poundstone)

What is she trying to say? Is it that she can’t tell by our expression, what we are seeing? Perhaps, then, we should become poker players, as our expression does not give us away. I do not totally agree, though: For example, when a moose comes up to our fence, I respond with a much different expression than I would if I saw a familiar sight.

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” (Bill Dana)

This two-legged must be exceptional. It takes most of your kind more than two days to be trained.

“When Rome burned, the emperor’s cats still expected to be fed on time.” (Seanan McGuire)

Of course — Once a schedule is established, it should be followed under all circumstances.

“As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the humankind.” (Cleveland Amory)

It is true that we are the most patient of creatures, when it comes to waiting for you two-leggeds to figure out something that we have known for ages.

“I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of the cats is infinitely superior.” (Hippolyte Taine)

Yes, I agree. After all my reading and trying to understand what I have read, I can see that we can decide matters simply and effectively.

“The trouble with sharing one’s bed with cats is that they’d rather sleep on you than beside you.” (Pam Brown)

Well, of course! Your body, after all, is the warmest spot on the bed. Who needs a heater when you have a two-legged?”

“A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization.” (Anonymous)

It’s true — we conduct ourselves in a most civilized manner without needing all the gadgets and gimmicks, or rules and regulations that are part of what you call being civilized.

“Cats have it all: admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it.” (Rod McKuen)

Follow our example.

“I have felt cats rubbing their faces against mine and touching my cheek with claws carefully sheathed. These things, to me, are expressions of love.” (James Herriot)

This man recognizes ways in which we show love. We do love our two-leggeds (if they treat us well). Believe me, most of them really need to be loved, so we are doing well to try to fill that empty spot.

“Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties.” (W.L. George)

It’s all because we adhere to the simple life. If we complicate things too much or want more than we need, then we have a problem. We avoid such situations.

“Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.” (Joseph Wood Krutch)

You two-leggeds might be better off by heeding this suggestion, and at least ask. You might be surprised, as you may receive what you ask for.

“The only thing a cat worries about is what’s happening right now.” (Lloyd Alexander)

I’ve noticed that about two-leggeds — You fret over things that haven’t even happened yet, or happened yesterday. All we have for sure is this moment, so we might as well be present in it.

“Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.” (Jim Davis)

It’s called being true to yourself. If we want something badly, we don’t just think about it. We try to come up with a plan that will give us what we want. If we believe something to be true, it’s our aim to live that truth.

“Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.” (Amy Sedaris)

Have you known two-leggeds who profess to love someone just because they believe they should? It’s a kind of dishonesty, and sometimes you two-leggeds do that out of a sense of duty or obligation. However, you are honest about your cat — If you love the animal, you won’t fake your pain. You will truly mourn your loss.

“She clawed her way into my heart and wouldn’t let go.” (Missy Altjd)

Sometimes you two-leggeds don’t want to admit how much of a bond there can be between us. Happy is the two-legged who can accept that your cat loves you and wants you to be part of their life.

“A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not.” (Ernest Hemingway)

We meow it like it is, good or bad. We do not pretend.

“Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If a man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.” (Mark Twain)

That Mark Twain said a lot of true things. No, you may imprison our body, but our thoughts and beliefs are our own. You can jail our body but you cannot jail our mind.

“A lie is like a cat: you need to stop it before it gets out the door or it’s really hard to catch.” (Charles M. Blow)

It’s much easier if you just don’t lie in the first place.

“The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal — or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be.” (Elizabeth Peters)

Well, this person understands us. So did the ancient Egyptians, who made us gods and goddesses and worshiped us.

“A cat will be your friend, but never your slave.” (Theophile Gautier)

If you want a slave, get a dog. Most of them are willing to be your slave if you will allow it. That way of life is not for us. Accept us on our own terms. Then we will gladly be your friend.

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” (Ellen Perry Berkeley)

True! You may say “my cat” or “I own a cat,” but you are deceiving yourself. We are owned by no one. We like a sense of belonging, but will not accept being owned. We are free spirits.

“If cats could talk, they wouldn’t.” (Nan Porter)

Well, perhaps after reading some of my posts, you understand why this is true. We wouldn’t beat about the bush, as you say, but would say things as we see them. Perhaps then you would withhold meals or throw us out. That could be inconvenient for us.

“There are few things in life more heartwarming than to be welcomed by a cat.” (Tay Hohoff)

If you love us, we will return love and will be happy to see you. We will make little love offerings to let you know we are glad you are home.

It’s almost like eavesdropping on your conversations to read what you say about us. I’m happy to see, though, that the two-leggeds who first said these quotes do know a thing or two about cats. I am glad to know that some of you understand us.

If you enjoyed these quotes and comments, please leave your own comment at the end of this post. Thanks from Lucinda, your literate cat, for joining us.