Hello, two-legged readers. You are reading the latest writing endeavors from Lucinda, the literate cat. My CCL (Cantankerous Cat Lady) came to me, agitated, and asked if I could write a special column this week to help her out. She’s embarking on the second month of her Super Affiliate Challenge, and is short on time.
To give you a glimpse of her progress on the new website, here is a link: https://build2winaffiliates.com
My CCL asked me to tell you what it is like for me, being a cat, to become a writer and book reviewer. I must say, it has been an unusual experience.
I am so glad my cousin-cat is now living with us. To tell the truth, I was beginning to forget some things about normal cat behavior after spending so much time reading and writing. It is good to be reminded that I am a cat.
Our cat lives are so simple. We are gifted with instincts that tell us what to do in certain situations if there is no one around to be our teacher. Those of us who are lucky also had our education greatly expanded by our mother’s teachings. And, when we become a house cat, we learn, in varying degrees, how to interact with our two-legged companions.
When we move to a two-legged’s home, we will have our paws full for a while. First, we must investigate thoroughly to make sure there are no hidden dangers in the house, and to mark the whole place with our scent. That way, visitors with nose talent will realize that this territory is already meowed for.
Then we have to train the two-leggeds. They need to know our schedule as to meals, arising, and going to bed. They need to understand that the litter box must be clean at all times. They need to learn what things we absolutely don’t like, such as bathing, rubbing our fur the wrong way, or forgetting about meals.
They expect us to follow their endless rules. If we are clever, we cats learn to give whisker-service to these rules. We obey when our two-legged is around, but when she is gone, we can do pretty much what we want, as long as we don’t get caught.
Reading has not been easy for me. I spend a lot of time looking things up. Reading points out to me the wide difference between the two-legged world and our own. Your ideas are so complex. Ours are so simple, and are based on a much shorter list of requirements.
You have so many things. That in itself complicates things. Why, you have to have a different name for all of those objects. We cats are territorial and regard our home as emphatically ours, but we do not have possessions. Oh, maybe a few toys, or a scratching post. You, on the other hand, have many, many things, each with a different name and purpose.
And speaking of territory — you two-leggeds are not just territorial about your house, but also about all the things inside. Just think how much simpler life would be if you removed all the “things.”
We cats get into arguments and we have feelings, but we tend to move through these experiences and then forget them. We live in the moment. We do not pine over something we no longer have. We grieve, but we do not dwell on the past like some two-leggeds. We are much better at letting go.
We do love our creature comforts. We relish a soft bed and a warm house. Here in Alaska, we are sun worshipers, and if we find a sunny patch on the living room carpet, we find it a great place for a nap.
My cousin and I prefer the inside, unlike the CCL’s last cat, Carlos, who was an accomplished hunter. However, we do enjoy a stroll in the yard on sunny days, and a spring tonic snack of new grass. It really helps clear all the winter sludge out of our systems. We also enjoy those outside sunny spots.
There’s another thing I’ve had trouble understanding. Why do two-leggeds have so many clothes? CCL has a whole small roomful. Granted, they have no permanent fur coat, like we do. But a roomful? Over the top, I’d say.
We are so fortunate to have our fur coat that we do not have to change. As for washing, we do that ourselves, every day. My CCL, on the other hand, has to remove her clothes and put her whole body in water to wash. Ugh! Glad I don’t have to do that. I know a few cats do like a tub bath, but I am certainly not one of them.
Not only does she have to wash her body, but she also has to wash her clothes in a special metal box with a window in it so you can see the clothes in there. It fills with water and spins really fast. I am so glad I don’t have to wash my fur that way. That machine would make me very dizzy and wet.
Another thing I have noticed. The CCL is forever going somewhere with that big noisy box she calls a truck. I am not sure how she gets that big thing to do what she wants, but they have some kind of agreement. She went off somewhere again this morning. Why doesn’t she just stay home?
My cousin tells me not to try to understand the two-leggeds. Perhaps he is right. Perhaps I have been reading too much. Cats normally live from day to day, one day at a time, and the two-leggeds simply can’t seem to do that. They think we don’t understand, but we understand much of what they say, and they talk about going here or there. I guess to them all this traveling is important.
I sometimes read about how two-legged scientists have been trying for years to understand cats. Likewise, some of us are trying to understand them — but not too hard. It is our belief that it is best to live and let live, and let it go at that. We are cats and cats we shall remain.